In keeping with the personality of
our church, here you will find a new set of puns or
jokes every month.
A farmer who grew watermelons was
doing pretty well, but some local kids
would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and
eat his watermelons. The
farmer came up with a clever idea that he thought
would scare the kids away
for sure. He made up a sign and posted it in the
field: "Warning! One of
the watermelons in this field has been injected with
cyanide."
That night the kids saw the sign and they ran off to
plot revenge. Next
morning there were no watermelons missing, but a new
sign said: "Now there
are two!"
He who lives in a glass house should
change his clothes in the basement.
He who throws mud loses ground.
While visiting Annapolis, a
lady tourist noticed several students on their hands
and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and
clipboards in hand.
"What are they doing?" she asked the tour guide.
"Each year," he replied with a grin, "the
upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it
took to finish paving this courtyard."
When they were out of earshot of the freshmen, the
curious lady asked the guide: "So, what's the
answer?"
The guide replied: "One."
Silence is always golden.
Sometimes it's just plain 'yellow'.
Sign in a John Deere sales
office: The only machine we don't stand behind is
our manure spreader.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at
which one can die.
In just two days from now, tomorrow will be
yesterday.
Bill, the boss, was concerned that his employees
weren't giving him enough respect, so he tried and
old fashioned method of persuasion: He brought in a
sign that said "I'm the Boss" and taped it to his
door.
After lunch, he noticed Willie had taped another
note under his: "Your wife called. She wants her
sign back!"
When you work here, you can name your own salary.
I named mine "Fred."
A motorist was on trial for
striking a pedestrian.
The motorist's lawyer made this point: "Your honor,
my client has been driving for over thirty years."
To which the lawyer for the plaintiff retorted:
"Your honor, if we are going to judge this case by
experience, may I remind you that my client has been
walking for over 55 years!"
I have kleptomania, but when it
gets bad, I take something for it.
Small minds discuss persons.
Average minds discuss events. Great minds discuss
ideas.
The road to success is always
under construction.
A minister waited in line to
have his car filled with gas just before a long
holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but
there were many cars
ahead of him in front of the service station.
Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant
pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about the
delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last
minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's
the same in my business."
Jokes and puns courtesy of
Mikey's Funnies
Movie quote courtesy of
www.imdb.com |