In keeping with the personality of our church, here you will find a new set of puns or jokes every month.

The following new breeds are now recognized by the AKC:

Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso: A dog that folds up for easy transport

Spitz + Chow Chow = Spitz-Chow: A dog that throws up a lot

Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter: A traditional Christmas pet

Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = Pyradachs: A puzzling breed

Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso: An abstract dog

Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer: A dog fresh and clean as a whistle

Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever: The choice of research scientists

Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound: A dog for financial advisors

Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull: A dog that makes awful mistakes

Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabador: A dog that barks incessantly

Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point: Owned by...oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway

Collie + Malamute = Commute: A dog that travels to work
 
Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere: A dog that's true to the end

A guy goes into a second hand shop to buy one for his watch.

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.

Bill Gates' wife gave birth last year to a baby girl. The Gates's decided that any girl born to them would be named Adelle. When the girl was born, the doctor said "Dude, you're getting Adelle!"

For those of you who watch what you eat... Here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

The biggest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

Sign in Produce Dept: Notice! Take lettuce from top of stack or heads will roll!

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home."

"Why not?" asked somebody from the audience
.
"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"

 "Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked.

"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."

Jokes and puns courtesy of Mikey's Funnies and Snopes.com